You
by blacksouledbutterfly
Summary: Perhaps that is foolish, but have you ever loved someone so much, so completely that you stop existing because they are there?.....Contains HBP spoilers...DHr story. Please R&R.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer:I do not own Harry Potter, only the plot.

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* * *

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_Dear Hermione, _

_Have you ever spent the night looking up at the stars? If you did, you would know how beautiful they are. Looking up at those lights you feel so small, so insignificant. Every part of you is just in awe that something that beautiful, that magical can exist without actually being made from magic. Can you imagine? Of course you can. You were raised without magic, without having to wonder about such things. I suppose you are lucky then. I suppose that changes how you see things, but Merlin, the stars are so beautiful._

_I was watching them last night, sitting beneath the night sky. It was quiet. I wondered, 'Is she watching them too? Does she stare at these stars and think about their beauty like I do?' Of course I would never know if you did. I would never ask. I would be too afraid to approach you with something like that. But can you imagine how sad it must be to be them? By the time their light reaches us, the stars themselves are often dead._

* * *

_Dear Hermione,_

_Sometimes I wonder what the meaning of all this is? Do we just exist merely to be here, or are we here for some greater purpose? One we can not possibly understand? And if so, what is it? _

_Some would argue we are put here to love people, to be there for others when they need us, to be the one that people need. Some say that we humans are made to feel love, but if that's true, why does love hurt so much? Why does it make us all feel like stupid bumbling fools whenever we are around the ones we love? Why does it turn to smartest people into complete dults? Are we just too foolish to understand how to handle this weak feeling that love gives us?_

_Have you ever been in love Hermione? I have. Let me tell you its like there is this excess of air floating around in your head. It's like the world just stops and all you can see is the one you love. You breathe them, taste them, live them. They are everything to you, the most important thing in your life. They control you. _

_Some people kill their lovers, Hermione. Did you know that? Do you know why? Power. They need to have a power over them, control them, keep them with them. What better way to control someone than to kill them? When you control their life they are yours. _

_Perhaps that is foolish, but have you ever loved someone so much, so completely that you stop existing because they are there? That you want to become the person they want you to be? The person they need you to be? What they say is true: love makes you crazy, twists the brain up, makes you forget common sense. But then again, who needs common sense when love is in your life?_

* * *

_Dear Hermione,_

_Summer will be over soon. Are you getting ready for school? I can imagine you, sitting there, your trunk already packed and sitting in the corner. Are you ready? Things will be so different this year, Hermione. You must know it, must feel it. How could anything be the same? How could anything be even remotely the same when all that has happened has happened? How will you handle it, Hermione? How will you handle watching everyone's pain? Won't it hurt you to see their pain? Won't it make you want to run away?_

* * *

_Dear Hermione, _

_Have you ever done something so horrible that you are afraid everyone will hate you if you tell them it was you? Have you ever done something so unforgivable that you know that nothing will ever be the same? Have you ever felt that you will lose the only person you have ever loved because you were weak and foolish?_

_I feel like there is something dark inside of me, and no matter how hard I try to fight it all it does is build up. I can feel it bubbling to the surface, and when it reaches the top I'm afraid I won't be able to stop it from spilling forth. I am afraid, Hermione. I am afraid of losing who I am. I am petrified. Something is happening to me, something I can't control._

_I wish I could ask you for help, let you know how much I need it, how much I want this darkness to go away, but I will never ask, and you would never help anyway._

* * *

_Dear Hermione, _

_First day of school, yes? How do you like it so far? How are you going to handle this now? I know you probably thought it wouldn't be too bad, but seeing them all, all of them sitting there in so much pain, how could you be all right? I know you though. You will put on a strong front, try to convince everyone else that everything will be okay, that you'll be okay, but deep down you will be breaking apart, won't you? I bet you haven't even really mourned. Am I right? Maybe you did, a little, but you kept most of it trapped inside of you, waiting for it to bubble forth, and it will Hermione. You can't keep your emotions bottled up all the time. They will eventually become too much and when that happens you will explode. Not literally of course, but those emotions you try to hide will spill forth and I have a feeling not in the most constructive way. _

* * *

_Dear Hermione, _

_Did you ever have something you wanted to tell someone, but were afraid to? Did you ever think that if you left yourself open to someone all they would do is take your heart and tear it up? Sometimes I worry that every thing I say to you is just leaving me open to bleed. Is that what I'm doing Hermione? Are you going to make me bleed?_

* * *

_Dear Hermione,_

_I feel so weak. Do you ever feel that way? I think about everything in my life so far, and I realize, I haven't been living. Not really. I exist but to be living you must do something worth doing. I haven't done anything worth doing, haven't done anything worth mentioning. I am wasting what has been given to me, but I am so scared._

_I don't know what to do to stop this feeling. Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe I am just a fool. Or maybe I just don't know where to start._

* * *

_Dear Hermione,_

_It's heart breaking sometimes to live the way I do, going from day to day doing the same old things, pretending that I am doing fine, pretending to be someone I'm not, something I'm not. I don't know how to break free from this, to be someone else, to be something else, to be who I want to be. You have to believe me, Hermione. Everything I am right now is not what I want to be remembered for when I die. Hell, I would settle for not being remembered at all, as long as I got to change what is going on in my mind right now. I want to change how my life is, who I am, what I have become. I just don't know how._

* * *

_Dear Hermione,_

_I saw you at Dumbledore's tomb the other day. I saw you cry, saw you stumble, saw you fall to the ground. Did it feel better to let all those emotions out finally? Did a good cry over the grave make you suddenly feel better? Did it stop the pain in your heart? No, I doubt it. I don't think that the pain can ever be stopped, and for that I am sorry. If I could I would take all of that pain away from you. I would make it all go away. Call this temporary insanity if you will, but Hermione, you must know, right now, the only reason I live is you. Without you I would have lost my mind entirely by now. These letters, they are my lifeline, they help me. _

_Do you even read them though? I can't help but wonder._

* * *

_Dear Hermione,_

_When I was a child I was afraid of the dark. It seems crazy now. There is nothing in the dark that can hurt you. Well, no, that's not true. The dark itself cannot hurt you, I was just too little to understand that. _

_I use to climb out of my bed at night to sleep in my parent's bed. I suppose all little children do that when they are afraid though. Still, I remember creeping down the hallways, my back pressed against the wall as though it would protect me. I remember climbing into my parent's bed, my mother kissing my forehead and holding me close to her as we slept. I can still hear the sound of her heartbeat when I am afraid._

_I still remember because I haven't felt that safe since then._

* * *

_Dear Hermione,_

_Do you sleep well at night Hermione? Sometimes I find out I can't sleep no matter how hard I try. I keep getting these horrible thoughts. Hermione, I don't know how to make them stop. I feel like I am losing my mind. I wish I could ask you to help me, but I can't. _

* * *

_Dear Hermione,_

_There is a numbness inside of me I have never had before. I feel like everything that has happened in my life up until this point has made me so cold, so distant that no matter what I say, no matter what I do I am stuck being just this: an empty person._

_Have you ever felt empty, like everything you have ever done, everyone you ever met, everything you have ever said or done was just pointless, steps that filled up the days until you die? Do you know how lonely that feeling is, Hermione? It's the worst feeling in the world. When you feel completely and totally alone, there is nothing left to live for. All you do is feel cold, and empty. Broken and lifeless._

* * *

Hermione Granger sat quietly on one of the couches in the Gryffindor common room, the letters to her spread out beside her. She had been getting those letters all summer, all to her, all emotional, sometimes deep, sometimes poetic, sometimes philosophical, but never signed. Always from the same person though. She didn't need the letter to be signed to know that. She just had to read them. They were so deep, so similar, that even if the handwriting hadn't been the same she would know it was the same person. She would have had to be rather stupid not to know, and she was anything but stupid. 

What surprised her the most was that she kept getting the letters after school started. She had figured that the person wanted someone to talk to, someone to share their fears with while school was out, but the letters kept coming when school started. That was baffling. Who would feel the need to talk to her in letter after school started? Why couldn't they just talk to her in person? What would be so hard about that?

"Hermione?"

The girl's head sprung up as she held the letter close to her chest. Standing before her was her friend Ginny, rubbing her eyes. Hermione let out a deep breath, relaxing slightly. "Oh, Gin, you frightened me half to death."

The red-haired girl sat down next to her friend, picking up some of the letters and placing them in her lap. "Hermione, it's nearly two in the morning. What are you still doing up?"

"Oh, is it that late?" She shook her head. "I was just...I couldn't sleep."

"Why not?"

"I don't really know. Maybe I'm just thinking too hard."

Ginny glanced down at the letters in her lap, at the smooth cursive writing. "What's with all the letters?"

"I honestly don't know." Hermione smiled wryly at her friend. "I've been getting letters all summer."

"From who, Hermione?"

"Truth be told? I have no idea who they are from. They are never signed."

"Wow! A secret admirer."

Hermione shook her head slightly. "Not precisely. Well, no, not at all. I'm more like...well, its more like they need someone to spill their hearts out to. They chose me."

The youngest Weasley frowned, bitting her bottom lip. "That's rather odd, don't you think? Who wouldn't sign their letters?"

"Someone who is afraid to let me know they feel the way they do, but still feels the need to talk about it," Hermione decided. "It has been rough, Ginny. Everyone is so...afraid. Things are so different now."

"I know. I just find it rather odd-"

**_TAP_**

The two girls spun to look out the window. Tapping on the window was Hermione's owl Morgan. Hermione glanced at Ginny, but then looked back at the window. Ginny slammed her fist into Hermione's shoulder, only softly though. "Open the window, Hermione. Morgan is going to wake up the whole house."

Hermione scrambled up, stumbling over her own feet as she made her way over to the window. The window flung open, clattering against the wall in the wind. The gray owl fluttered in and landed on the windowsill as Hermione struggled to close the window. Hermione sighed, folding her arms across her chest. "Morgan, couldn't this have waited until morning?"

The owl blinked up at her and dropped the letter in its mouth on the sill as if to say she should be thankful she bothered to come at all.

With a sigh Hermione reached out and stroked the bird's feathers. "Yes, I know. You were just doing what you were supposed to. Thank you."

Hermione reached down, grasping the letter firmly in her hands.

* * *

_Dear Hermione,_

_I am so afraid. I don't know what is going on with my mind anymore. I wish I could just make this all stop. I need to feel different. I need to feel alive for once in my life. I need your advice. Please, Hermione, I need to talk to you. I need you to help me. Please meet me tonight? By Dumbledore's grave. I'll be there all night. If you don't trust me, I understand, but I hope you'll come. I need to talk to you._

* * *

"Who's it from?" 

"Um, the mystery writer."

Ginny sat up suddenly very interested. "Really? Wow. What does it say?"

"They want to meet me."

"Really? Merlin! When?"

"Tonight."

Ginny frowned. "Are you going to go?"

"I don't know." She glanced up at Ginny. "I don't know if it's safe to go. We're at war, Ginny."

"Well, yes, but this is Hogwarts. It's safe, right?"

"How can you think that after last year?"

"I'm sorry, all right? I just...I want to think we are safe here. Is that so wrong?"

"Can you keep it down? Some people are trying to sleep!"

Standing at the bottom of the steps to the girl's dormitory was a very tired looking, very angry Lavender. "Some of us need sleep, Hermione," she spat out bitterly.

The brunette flushed. "Sorry Lavender. We'll keep it down. Promise."

The girl rolled her eyes. "I highly doubt that." She cast Hermione a look of great hatred and turned on heel to return to bed.

Hermione turned her attention back to her friend. "I'm going to go. I think...something tells me I have to." She sighed. "Go back to sleep, Gin. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Don't worry about it Gin. I can take care of myself, all right?"

* * *

Hermione stood facing the white grave of Dumbledore. It seemed almost impossible, even then, that the beloved headmaster was really dead. She couldn't exactly except it though she knew it to be true. He was so powerful, always so happy and full of life. It just didn't seem fair that in a single moment that was all taken away from him. He was...so loved. How could any one do that to him? Who cared about the war! This was cruel and unfair! 

She felt the tears she thought she had cried out building up behind her eyes, and blinked furiously to stop them from falling. She wouldn't cry again. Crying would do no good. The tears wouldn't bring him back. The tears would just remind her of the loss.

She felt an arm wrap around her waist and a hand clamp over her mouth. She gasped as she was pulled back against a body. "Shh. It's all right. I won't hurt you. Just don't scream."

She felt her entire body grow cold as she was released. She turned around slowly, hand flying to her mouth, eyes wide. "Draco!"


	2. Missing

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, only the plot.

* * *

Night passed in one quick motion, the hours bleeding together. Ginnerva Weasley spent the rest of the night, after leaving her friend to visit her secret admirer, in a peaceful sleep. She had no idea what had happened out at Dumbledore's grave. Truth be told she didn't even notice anything wrong when awoke the next morning without Hermione's voice telling her to wake up like it normally did.

She was so oblivious to what was going on that she didn't even notice Hermione wasn't there. Until her brother mentioned something.

As Ginny made her way down into the common room to meet Harry and Ron, she could hear her brother's voice calling up the stairs. "Would you two hurry it up?"

Ginny scowled as the reached the landing. "What do you mean, 'you two'?"

"You and Hermione, of course."

"Hermione's not up there."

"What are you talking about? Of course she is."

"Um, no, Ron, she's not. I just came from up there. She's not there."

"Well, then where is she?"

Ginny placed her hands on her hips. "Do I look like I'm her keeper, Ronald?"

"No, you're her bloody friend. That means you should know where she is."

"Last time I checked, Ronald Weasley, you were her friend as well, and you don't know where she is either."

"She's probably down at breakfast already," Harry said, though he wasn't quite sure. Hermione usually waited for them before heading down. Then again, if she had an important matter to attend to, there was a possibility that she headed down without them. "Why don't we just go down there and look for her?"

Ginny glanced quickly at Harry, then shifted her eyes away from him. Even now, after all these months, the idea of him wanting to not date her, to protect him, stung. "That sounds like the best plan. Certainly better than yelling at each other." She glanced pointedly at Ron.

"Ginny, if you weren't my sister-"

"You'd what? Run and tell Mum I was being mean to you like the baby you are? Very mature Ronald."

For the most part is was a normal morning. Except for one small thing. Hermione wasn't walking down to the Great Hall with them. But to add to the mystery, once they reached the Great Hall and scanned their table, they found, to their dismay, Hermione wasn't in sight. Not only was she not there, but upon questioning the other Gryffindors it was found that none of them had so much as seen her all morning.

Ginny glanced back and forth between the two boys. "I think we should split up and look for her. She can't have gone too far, fight?"

Ron nodded his head, but only slightly as if not too convinced. "Right. I mean, she's smart, she can take care of herself."

Harry gave them his most encouraging look. "Right."

Still, despite their confidence, in the pit of Ginny's stomach something knotted. She had a bad feeling, one that told her something had happened to her best friend. She pit her lip and chastised herself for thinking such things. Hermione was a smart and capable witch. Surely she was just sitting in the library studying too hard like she always did.

But then, why did she have this terrible feeling in her stomach that she couldn't shake? _Because I'm worried_, she thought. _I'm worried something happened to her last night. I sent her out there, and...oh, Merlin! If something happened to her I will never be able to forgive myself!_

Her worst fears were only about to be confirmed: Hermione could not be found through out the castle. Even when they appeared in Professor McGonagall's office, asking if she had any clue as to Hermione's location, it yielded nothing, except for McGonagall promising to keep a sharp look out for her, and her asking the trio to inform her if Hermione did not show up within the next hour or so.

Upon realizing that Hermione was not going to be found any time in the near future, that cold feeling in the pit of Ginny's stomach grew to a three ton bolder made entirely out of a piece of a glacier shipped from Antarctica. She knew then that something had happened to her best friend, something terrible, something that she was the cause of, however indirectly.

The three of them returned to the common room, the two boys racking their brains to find out what may have happened to their overachieving friend.

Ginny sat in silence for a while, listening to the boy's come up with their theories.

"Maybe she went home. You know, to visit her Mum and Dad."

"No, Ron. She wouldn't just leave. We have a long parchment due on Monday. She would spend the entire weekend working on it. Not to mention that she would have to tell Professor McGonagall if she was going to leave school grounds." He took a deep breath. "Maybe she found a place to go to be alone and think."

"Maybe."

After listening to the theories that Ginny could feel weren't true for what seemed like hours, Ginny sighed and took a deep breath. "I...I don't think any of those theories are right."

"Well, what do you think happened Ginny?" Ron seemed almost too worried to even snap at her.

She suddenly felt so weak. "I'm...I'm sorry. I should have told you earlier."

"Told us what?"

"I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid you would be mad at me-"

"What did you want to tell us?"

"-so I decided that telling you wasn't such a good idea, and at first I thought that she was just in the library but I realize now that she's not, and I-"

"Ginny!"

She closed her mouth with a snap. "What?"

Harry reached over and put his hand on top of hers. "Ginny, calm down and just tell us what you wanted to."

"Hermione went out last night."

"What do you mean she went out last night?"

"She went out...last night. She got...she has been getting letters from someone, someone anonynmous. She was down here reading them, you know. She was...I don't know...she enjoyed reading them I guess. And well...she got a letter from the person last night...so...so she went to meet with them. It was like two in the morning...and she never...I guess she never came back...and...I'm so sorry."

The two boys just sat there in silence for a moment while Ginny shook, not with tears, but with fear and frustration.

"Gin," Harry started as calmly as possible. "Where did she go to meet with them? Do you know?"

She shook her head. "No...no I don't. I wish I did...but I don't."

* * *

Hermione Granger awoke with a splitting headache. She groaned softly, slowly regaining her senses. She could feel a cod, hard surface pressed against her cheek. As her mind slowly began to clear she came to realize that she was in fact lying on the floor of a basement.

She sat up slowly, groaning at the effort it took to do so. She was sore all over.

She glanced around the room. Nothing really. Just an empty basement and a staircase opposite her. Taking a breath she sighed. "This is bloody brilliant. What have I gotten myself into?"

She braced herself to try to stand, but found she couldn't. Her mind raced. What was wrong? Why couldn't she stand? Was she paralyzed? Poisoned? Was she still too out of it to realize she was chained up somehow? Each prospect frightened her in a way she had never felt before.

"Hello?" Her throat was dry, and it hurt to scream, but she wanted to be sure someone heard her. "Hello! Is anyone there? Hello! Somebody! Somebody please answer me! Hello! Can anyone hear me?"

The door at the top of the stairs opened and a beam of bright light shot down into the room. Hermione ducked her head to protect her eyes. "Bloody hell, would you keep it down? You're giving me a headache." The door creaked shut and Hermione listened as someone began their descent down the stairs. "You know you're loud enough to wake the dead, don't you?"

Hermione glanced up to find Draco Malfoy, sitting calmly on the bottom step of the stairs. "Well good! If I wake the dead then maybe someone will hear me and rescue me!"

Malfoy tilted his head to one side. "Rescue you? Rescue you from what?"

"From you!"

"But I haven't done anything to you that would warrant a rescue."

"You kidnapped me!"

Malfoy chuckled slightly. "Yes. Yes, I suppose I did, didn't I? Funny thing to forget something like that, isn't it?"

"This is not funny!"

"Granger, do yourself a favor and stop yelling. You're going to lose your voice if you keep that up. Just try to calm down a little bit."

"Calm down? Calm down? I will not calm down!" She glared at him. "I am locked in a basement with a killer in front of me! I will not calm down!"

Unfortunately that was the wrong way to say, because when blinked and then Malfoy was in front of her, face pressed close to hers. "I am not a killer. I did not kill Dumbledore, and you bloody well know it."

"You might as well have."

"Well, I didn't, did I?" He sneered at her. "And you think you're so smart. Don't tell me you don't know the difference between doing something and not doing it."

"Malfoy, you bloody git, you caused his death!"

"Did you stop to think that maybe Dumbledore would have been killed anyway?" He shook his head. "Granger, you are a dense fool. I didn't kill Dumbledore. Oh, believe me, I was supposed to. But I didn't. I couldn't."

"Too powerful for you, was he?"

"No. I didn't want to kill him."

She scoffed. "I don't believe that for a single moment."

"Your problem then I'm afraid." He shrugged casually, as if it meant nothing to him. "But either way I am not a killer, so if you would please keep your voice down that would be greatly appreciated."

"Keep my voice down? Why should I when you have me locked up in a basement?"

"Locked up?" Malfoy looked thoroughly perplexed. "What are you...oh, bloody hell! Granger, you aren't locked up! The effects of the spell are still wearing off! You can't move entirely yet, that's all. Please, give me a little credit. Locking a girl up in a basement is a little poor in taste, even for me."

Hermione frowned. He may very well have been telling the truth. "It doesn't matter. You won't get Harry here by keeping me here. He won't fall for that."

"Granger, you aren't bait. I'm not trying to lure Potter here. I don't want Potter here. I want you."

"Why? What can I possibly do?" He didn't answer her at first. "What do you want from me?"

"Your help, Granger. I want your help."


End file.
